Good morning! I really want to continue updates for you all because some of you are participating on the page here so I know how much you care about Thomas and how much you want him to be well. As I said yesterday, we had an appointment with his primary care provider who is a nurse practitioner. Thank God for her, I'll call her Christie in order to simplify this post.
Christie was surprised to see us again because we had just been in to see her last week for a standard 3 month follow up. At that time she had examined Thomas and expressed concern about his physical health issues but at the time she didn't know things would get as bad as they did last Friday. She examined him and talked to me about the condition of the wounds. I told her about our less than effective treatment in the E.R.. She asked if they had swabbed the wounds to see what kind of bacteria might be in them and shook her head in disgust when I told her how very little they did for him. Then she began treating them and as she did so, thankfully, she simultaneously taught me proper wound care so I am finally feeling fully capable of caring for Thomas until we see the surgeon tomorrow. While she took care of Thomas, she and I, along with her assistant, exchanged varying emotional glances at each other about Thomas' condition. In those moments, I knew my worst fears that I'd had for days were confirmed by a medical professional. This brought a strange comfort but also reinforced and increased my fears about Thomas' health.
There is no more guessing.
There is no more Googling and trying to sort through conflicting results.
I am left, now, with only the hard truth and I am left to find acceptance of everything.
It's a scary place
One thing Christie said, which she prefaced with saying she is by no means a surgeon, was that she believes Thomas will definitely need surgery. The extent of the surgery, however, is unknown. She explained what she felt would be the conservative treatment and then what could happen as a worse case scenario neither of which I am happy about and both of which are scaring Thomas. I have an ever-growing concern about the level of stress all of this, is and will, put on Thomas. As we all know, stress exacerbates schizophrenia symptoms and that is the last thing Thomas needs right now. It's going to take everything he's got to recover, even under the best case scenario Christie outlined.
So, today will consist of me trying out my newfound wound care education, a prospect that upsets me because it causes Thomas great pain. No mom wants to hurt her child and essentially being forced to do so is nothing short of traumatic--at least for me.
Now, our next step is to see the surgeon tomorrow. I'll post on Friday about that unless I find myself sitting cramped in one of those miserable hospital room chairs after having no sleep because Thomas is recovering and I want to be there with him every minute. I hope, though, that I'll be right here in my living room in my favorite recliner drinking good coffee instead.
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