(Picture credit: syracuse.com)
I want to start today's post off by saying how much I appreciate all of you and the work you do for my page by sharing the information that I provide. Each 'share' is important to me because it means we are getting the information out there. I love my page and its mission and you guys help me complete that mission every single day.
As for life here in the Emery/Jimenez house, things have taken a turn.
But Dr. K. has a wonderful analogy that schizophrenia's symptoms are like the weather. They come and go and they change all the time. When he said that a while back it helped me to relax a little about the symptoms that pop up here and there. It makes sense. Of course they're like the weather, right? Isn't everything always changing in one way or another?
For Thomas the weather has turned a bit cloudy in the last day or so. He has gotten a whole host of problems from anxiety to agitation to a feeling of being lost to depression. I always hate the change in the "weather" for Thomas. I can live with my own ups and downs but he really seems to suffer through his own. I made a mistake yesterday that didn't help things very much.
Thomas and I were filling our pill cases (he's taken over doing his own and does a great job!) and I began talking to him about his grandma and her upcoming surgery. I thought he could handle it and as I talked he listened intently and didn't seem to be affected by it. However, when we parted ways, within minutes, he was back by my side complaining of moderate anxiety. At the time I didn't know what had caused it but then it hit me. I had gone a step too far in telling him about his grandma. Her surgery, which takes place today, is a serious surgery but one that won't require a hospital stay. It's scary and she'll be in a lot of pain afterwards but it could be worse. I broke down for Thomas what the doctors would be doing and I thought in doing so that I was making it very clinical and black and white and I kept emotion out of it. I thought keeping the emotion out of it was the key but I guess I was wrong.
Throughout the day he fought anxiety and since he had to work last night, the anxiety was a bit higher and his fears centered around crowds in the store and his accompanying paranoia about the government coming to arrest him. I wanted to kick myself. Why haven't I learned yet to keep him out of potentially anxiety inducing information?
So I checked in with him throughout the day and monitored his anxiety level and gave him things to do to take his mind off of it but by dinner he was very quiet and lost somewhere in his mind. I asked him if he was okay and he says he was but he was awfully quiet. As I took him to work I thought to myself that I'd be coming to pick him up sometime into his shift. The call for that never came and he even ended up walking home by himself in the dark.
I don't really know what to make about this change in the weather. It wasn't just yesterday's conversation about his grandma's surgery, he's been struggling for a few days, but he seems to be hanging in at this low grade unrest. I'm not going to worry yet that it might turn into something more--part of my new zen approach to his illness--but I am going to keep an eye on him.