Monday, April 06, 2015

Meds Day And The Easter Bunny

Today is "meds day" for both Thomas and I. For me, I don't know if there is much that can be done about my fear of dying. I don't think that there is a "fear of dying medication". As the time grows closer to me leaving for the conference it seems like the feeling is staying the same. I think it's the flying in an airplane that's getting to me. Luckily there have been no more flying mishaps reported in the news lately so that helps. This all makes me think about Thomas though and his fears and paranoia's. While I am diagnosed bipolar it seems like he and I have a lot in common. We may not worry about the same things but we both worry too much about things that don't need to be worried about.

As for Thomas's meds appointment, I don't know what's going to happen. Since he's been struggling lately I want to be sure that Dr. N. knows about those things but I'm not sure about how I feel about adding meds and going through all of the side effects all over again. I'll have to talk to Thomas today on the way to the appointment and see how he feels about adding something or increasing something. I kind of just want to wait it out and see what happens. He's been doing pretty good the last 2 or 3 days so I'm hoping that's a trend we can count on. Granted, he was scheduled to work this week but he was scheduled for Wednesday when we leave on our trip and he called his manager and told her he couldn't work Wednesday but volunteered for Sunday or Monday. She told him that she would just take him off this week's schedule altogether. That made him VERY happy and with our vacation coming in just 2 days, he is set up for nothing but goodness.

There is something else that is making him happy though. Yesterday was Easter and for the last couple of years I haven't made him an Easter basket but I have gotten him a little treat. This time it was a bag of white chocolate Easter eggs and a note about how the Easter bunny wanted him to have these chocolates and that there was another surprise waiting. He knows there is no such thing as the Easter bunny but I still like to have fun with him about it. The surprise, however, was that I wanted to take him shopping for a new laptop computer. Between his savings and some money he has hidden he has a little bit to subsidize the laptop and I thought we could use a little bit of his SSI back pay to help pay for it (I think that's okay). I also have a little bit of my own money tucked away and I want to help him get a laptop that's worthy of doing some light gaming on it. I wanted him to have the laptop for vacation because Dan and I are planning a couple nights out at the casino and I wanted Thomas to feel like he's got something to pass the time. He had a laptop that Dan and I bought him years ago but it barely fires up anymore so he needs one that works. He spends a lot of time out of his room and by me in the living room lately so having a laptop instead of a tablet would be wonderful for him. So, the prospect of a laptop is helping his mood a great deal. I just wish that I could bring him happiness and stability by something simpler like a hug. Life would be so much easier.

Well, it's snowing up where we're going to Dr. N.'s so I have to go get ready now. It's going to be a much slower drive today. I'd really like to keep the car on the road. I do want to respond to those of you who weighed in on whether or not I should let Thomas's girlfriend read the blog and I took all of your thoughts into account and I agree with just about everyone. I think she is much too sensitive to be reading it every day. When Thomas was hospitalized, she and I would speak daily, sometimes more, about how Thomas was doing and she worried so much about him. She seems strong in that she's very supportive of Thomas when he's in an episode but I think it worries her a great deal too. While Thomas knows I blog and he knows I talk about him, I don't think he realizes that I talk so much about my own feelings and as such I think having his girlfriend read THOSE things isn't a good idea. I worry that she'll pass those things on to Thomas and cause him even more grief. Generally I work through most of my feelings and while I can move on, I don't think Thomas could. My worries about dying lately are a good example. I think he worries enough about me being gone on the trip or wherever but if he thinks I think I'm going to die I'm afraid he's going to take that on and I just don't want him worrying about that stuff. So, it's a no go on letting his girlfriend read this though I can't really stop her if she ends up finding it herself. I just really hope that she doesn't.

Okay, I really have to run now. I'm going to save Thomas's Friday's With Tom post for Friday and just schedule it to post that day. I'm sorry we missed the last one but he was having so much fun with friends that I wanted that more for him than writing for the blog. I need to keep him social as much as possible. So, be sure to be watching for his Friday post.

Have a good day everyone!

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