Friday, April 24, 2015

A Little Of This and A Little Of That


Just for laughs I thought I would include with this post the caricature that was done of me at the conference I attended. I don't think it looks like me but I like that he got my top I was wearing almost exactly right as far as coloring and design and he oh-so-kindly gave me a tiny waist. He gets kudos for that LOL.

I have been away from my blog for a few days for a couple of reasons. The first of which is that while I loved  the conference and learned a lot, it took a lot out of me mentally. I am not a social person at all and being thrown into a large group of very enthusiastic people was a bit much for my quiet personality. I found myself more often than not wanting to hide in my room but instead built my resolve over and over again and made myself get out and network. Needless to say, the time away from my quiet life coupled with all of the flying (it took me 13 hours to get home), I was completely spent and have spent the last few days hiding from the world trying to decompress. I'm back now and working on the next thing that has kept me away from my blog.

I learned a lot about the mechanics, analytics, popularity, etc. of my blog and I came away feeling like I am doing all of this for nothing. I know many of you read this and that it's probably many more than I think because most of you don't 'like' or comment on my posts for personal reasons but as a writer it's very hard to write for an invisible audience. I began this blog because I wanted to help people and lately because my numbers are low in my analytics, I don't feel like I am accomplishing much at all because there is little response to my posts and the other work I do. So, I have to decide what I want more in my endeavors; to keep doing what I'm doing or to change things in the hopes that I get more response. One such thing I am changing is that I am now posting my daily blog post to my website making it easier for you to comment because when you come here you can comment anonymously thereby being able to say what you need to say in response to what I am writing but you get to stay hidden from public view like so many of you need to do because of the stigma of this illness. I hope that this new format works and I hope you'll come here and read my posts here on my website and maybe even comment and tell your own stories.

Now, I'll tell you about how Thomas is doing and what he's been up to.

For the most part he has been doing pretty good. I think the fact that he didn't have to work while I was gone was a huge help for him. He does work tonight and he's already lamenting that so I don't know how he's going to do tonight. I fear that he is getting himself worked up and causing his anxiety and paranoia to increase when what he really needs to do is just look at this shift as just 5 hours of his life that is just a drop in the bucket compared to how much of his time is spent away from work. It's easy for me to say, though, because to me it's just an issue of time but I understand that he has other issues in play. If there are crowds, he will suffer. If he is tired, he will suffer. If he is anxious, he will suffer. His world is much more complicated than mine and things aren't as easy for him as they are for the rest of us. My hope, though, as always, is that he'll find his strength today and work won't be such a trial for him.

The other thing he's been dealing with is a touch of depression. I don't know what to make of that. Part of me wonders if it's the increase in the clozaril and part of me wonders if it's just a matter of coming down off of me being gone. He did wake up and shower the other day after a week of not showering so that's a good sign. I also took him with me on all of my errands yesterday and it seemed like that really perked him up to be out of the house and doing things. He is coming off of a setback and it'll take time to recuperate so we just have to wait it out, I suppose.

I realized this morning that it's Friday's With Tom today and he has yet to prepare something. Hopefully when he wakes up he will write but I can't say for sure. He was asked about quite a bit at the conference and already has a big following of his own and I told him how popular he was at the conference and that really seemed to build his confidence. I'm hoping he can parlay that confidence into feeling even more comfortable with writing. We'll see what happens with his post today but if it gets done, I will be sure to get it up for all of you to read.

Well, today is my 43rd birthday and I have no big plans for my day except to exercise this morning. Dan has been very sweet to me this morning calling me his "birthday girl" and that makes me happy. Perhaps that's just because I'm being called a "birthday girl". It makes me feel younger than I am. LOL I will continue today, though, to work on my blog and make the changes I want to make so that it's a better experience for all of you. Just give me a little time as I work to change things up. My hope is that the end result is something different than what it is now though I think the changes won't be to perceptible to you all. We shall see though.

Remember, since you are reading this on my website, at the bottom of this post you can comment and you can choose to be anonymous. I'd really like to hear from everyone especially right now since I've changed how I am posting (using my website instead of Facebook). I'm curious to see what you all think.

6 comments:

  1. I can relate to so much of this. My son has an absolute fear of working now. He just changed meds so we are going through that process. On this one he doesnt want to do anything, showering is something I practically have to beg him to do. He is losing all the weight he gained on the other med but is smoking more. I guess there is going to be trade offs no matter what. New doc and therapist found finally so I think that will help. My son has been depressed for years, but the other started only last year.

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    1. To Anonymous about your son:
      I am glad you found a new doc and therapist. I hope that will help things. Yes, changing meds and adjusting to what comes along with them is hard. It must be hard for you that he started smoking more but I think I'd feel like you do and that is that there are going to be tradeoffs. Why is your son afraid of working right now? Does he deal with the same issues as Thomas where work causes his paranoia to be worse or that it stresses him out? I wish you the best of luck and my thoughts are with you and your son.

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  2. Forgot, I love your website and blogs. Keeps me from feeling alone during this time. Happy Birthday����

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    1. Anonymous,
      Thank you for commenting and for the happy birthday. It makes me happy to know that my blog helps you. That is all I want is to help people. Take care. <3

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  3. Melanie, I hope you keep posting regularly. I think you're right - a lot of people read your posts who don't like them or comment on them. I've become aware of this on my regular Facebook page. Friends who NEVER comment on my posts or even post themselves, will say, "Oh, I know, I saw it on your Facebook page!" when I tell them about something going on in my life. A lot of people are spectators, I think.

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    1. Anonymous,
      I will try to continue to post regularly. I really love doing it but I miss hearing from my followers. Thank you for commenting and letting me know you're out there. I agree, though, I think a lot of people are spectators. Take care!

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