Tuesday, April 14, 2015

A Little Bit Of Luck, A Lot Of Stress Eliminated

I brought with me on vacation a letter from Medicaid telling me that I needed to establish something called a "Healthy Connections" doctor for Thomas. They stated that if he already had an ongoing physician that I could call and establish them as his Healthy Connections doctor. I brought the letter with me but made the executive decision to make vacation time actual vacation time and leave behind all of the stressors and save the call (among other things) until I got home. Well, I got home and waiting for me from Health and Welfare was a letter. I'll admit, I was still in vacation mode when I got home so I left the letter sitting on my chair unopened and prayed that it was something that I was going to be able to handle easily today.

I opened the letter this morning and in it it told me that they had already established his Healthy Connections doctor. I was HORRIFIED! Now what were we going to do? I just can't change Thomas's doctor on him since he's already got a trusted relationship with one. As I read further in the letter I discovered that the Healthy Connections doctor/clinic they had assigned to him was the very one he already is a part of!!! I couldn't have asked for better luck! Needless to say that is one less thing on my list of things to do in the next couple of days before I leave for the conference. Thank God. I do have to say that so far, things have gone along rather smoothly with all of this stuff with Social Security and Medicaid. I hate to be a pessimist, though, because I do have to wonder, "when is the other shoe going to drop?"

If this illness has taught me anything, it's that that proverbial shoe pretty much ALWAYS drops. It may be right away or it may be 3 months down the road but it's always there just waiting. I hate that shoe.

When we got home yesterday I was feeling pretty good about being home. I'm not always thrilled to come back to my life after vacation, I'll admit that. Sometimes I set foot in the back door and look at my kitchen and walk through my house and I feel the proverbial weight rest itself, once again, on my shoulders. I didn't feel that so much when I walked in the door but it wasn't long before it was back.
As I walked around the house and unpacked, Thomas began kind of following me around. He had already done his unpacking and I thought had settled in but, of course, that was not to be. I finally asked him how his brain was doing and he looked at me with THE LOOK in his eyes and he said that his "thoughts were racing around in his head." Uh oh, that's never good. What could be wrong already? We were home now and settling in.

As it turned out, Thomas wasn't settling in at all. HE was lost and didn't know what to do. This happens to him when he has no direction. His brain betrays him and fills him with confusion and that becomes a slippery slope. He had mentioned earlier that on vacation the WiFi hadn't been stable enough to play his favorite computer game, World Of Tanks, so he hadn't gotten a chance to play with all of his friends like he thought he'd be able to do. So, I suggested to him that now that he was home with the good WiFi that he should start up a game and see if he could get some friends to play. Luckily that gave him some purpose and he and his "racing thoughts" went to his room to play on his computer. Thank God!

This is what worries me about being gone, though. I'll be gone 4 full days, 3 of which he'll be completely on his own and what will happen to him when his racing thoughts attack and I'm not here to help calm them down? I'll be in classes all day Saturday, Thursday I'll be flying all day and Sunday I'll be doing the same. I won't be around, not even with texts, to help him out. Luckily he doesn't work at all while I'm gone but not working leaves him A LOT of time to himself to fend for himself. I don't know what to do.

So, we're home again, back to real life, back to reality, and back to a world where schizophrenia is alive and well. You can bet I'll be saying a lot of prayers over the next few days for my boy. My life is scheduled to the nines, his is wide open and filled with a lot of empty moments to be filled.

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