Monday, November 03, 2014

The Talisman

After talking with Thomas on Friday and a little bit on Saturday I could see how scared he was. I felt horrible for him. I explained to him that God loves him even if he THINKS there's something inside of him. I asked him why he doesn't believe in God and he said he thinks God doesn't care about him because he has the thing inside of him. I told him that wasn't true but he has years of the belief entrenched in him so I think it's going to take a lot more work to help him feel better. I did take a couple of steps though to try to help him.

Thomas loved his grandpa very much. After he passed my mom gave him something of my dad's for Thomas to remember him by. Thomas keeps it next to him at all times when he is in his room. I thought since he felt so attached to this object and his grandpa that what I had to offer would help. I told him that I had his grandpa's religious medal (with Jesus on it) and that it had protected him all of his life. I told him that his grandpa never took it off and that it was really a piece of his grandpa's spirit in tangible form. I showed it to him and offered it to him and you should have seen him. At first he was excited and I could see that he wanted it. I watched as a battle waged inside of him though and finally he became solemn and refused it. I felt horrible for him because I knew he really wanted it but something inside of him wouldn't allow him to take it. I told him if at any point he wanted it that it was there for him.

Later I got to thinking about what it is that would speak to him and help him feel protected. For practically his whole life he has collected rocks, minerals and crystals. I don't think it was ever for any reason other than that he likes how beautiful they are. But it got me to thinking on Saturday. What if I could find a crystal or something considered to have properties that ward off evil spirits. I thought that might help him. I went online and looked up the meaning of crystals and rocks and found a list of them that ward off evil spirits each having their own specific task. I showed him the list and he sat and read through them all. I told him that I would take him down to the rock shop to pick out whatever one would make him feel better. He read the descriptions for a while and finally settled on a tiger eye.

Then we set out for the rock store. I told him he could pick anything he wanted whether it be a rough stone, a tumbled stone or a piece of jewelry. We went in and wandered the store and found the rough and tumbled stones and finally went over to the jewelry case. Inside it he found a few choices of pendants and he examined each one and finally settled on a very beautiful one. He picked it up and turned to me and showed me the price certain that I wouldn't pay that much for something (it was $50). I told him that it was his birthday and that if it would make him feel better that I would pay whatever it cost for him to find what he wanted. He was so happy.

We got in the car and he wondered out loud how he would wear it and I told him he should put it on his medical alert dog tag chain and wear them together. He fought with getting the chain open and finally gave up and sadly said to me that he wasn't able to get his tiger eye put on it. I took his chain and managed to get the clasp open and I put the tiger eye on the chain. Again, he was so happy and he immediately put it around his neck. I couldn't have been happier myself because I could see that perhaps we had found something that would help him feel better.

Normally Thomas only wears his medical alert when he leaves the house but I noticed as the weekend wore on that he was wearing the necklace all the time. Hearing the clinking of the stone against the tag made me so happy. I watched over the hours as his mood seemed to lift and I've got to say that I think that tiger eye might have had something to do with it.

By the time he had to go to work there were no signs, for the first time in ages, of any depression or anxiety about work. Perhaps I'm putting more credence into the tiger eye than there really is but I can't help but think that it had something to do with his new peacefulness.

It's early, I know. Days might go by and he might feel that thing inside of him again and he may abandon the tiger eye but until that happens, he is enjoying feeling whole again. I plan to take a long walk with him today and talk with him about how he feels about the tiger eye and whether or not it's working so I'll let you know.

At this point, I will do or give whatever it takes for him to feel protected. Until therapy and maybe meds (though meds have never touched this he says) take hold and we get this delusion unwound, he feels protected by his tiger eye and that is all I want for him.

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