Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Oh Well, I Tried

First off I want to say a big, warm thank you to everyone who has responded to my post about "A Crisis of Faith". You all have helped me so much to better understand what may be going on with Thomas. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and making it so that I don't feel alone with this because I was feeling VERY alone. When I have people outside of my blog telling me that he might be possessed by the devil it's hard to ignore but I try. I wanted to believe that the illness was the culprit but I see now that it's a little of both, not that he's actually possessed but that it wouldn't hurt for him to find his way to some kind of faith. I'm working on that.

Yesterday as I was taking him to work he was very down. It was such a change from the day before with work. I wondered what was going on and zeroed in on the talisman hoping that when I brought it up he would lighten up and tell me what I really wished I could hear. I asked him if it was working for him and he sadly said,

"Only a little bit."

Still his number is a 5, meaning he feels it's a 5 out of 10 in strength inside of him. He said very sadly that he didn't think it was really going to work for him.

I'm so sad.

I wanted this to be the answer but I'd be a fool, I suppose, to think that one day, a few talks, and a trip to the rock store would change years of a well built, well entrenched delusion.

Why can't SOMETHING about this illness be easy? Just one thing would be nice.

On the bright side though, Thomas has a new manager at work who he LOVES. This man has come to Thomas a couple of times and singled him out and told him what a good job he is doing. This has done wonders for Thomas as far as work goes. A part of him is excited now to go to work. Thomas says he is very nice to him too. I'm thinking an angel has been sent to my boy to get him through the rough season. There's nothing like a good, kind manager to make a job easier to do.

Also, I wrote Dr. K an email and told him everything that is going on with Thomas and I got back, as usual, as very short and sweet answer about how he'll treat Thomas with the usual techniques. Not quite what I was looking for by sending that email, I was hoping for some encouragement but I suppose since he's not MY therapist I don't get that kind of thing. On the funnier side of things, a part of me always suspects that Dr. K. reads my blog or picks up parts of it from time to time. This has NEVER been spoken about between he and I but then that email I got was signed "Dr. K." which is not the way he usually signs it. It's usually with his first name or a canned signature. It made me laugh because we have these subtle exchanges like this where he makes me aware he's reading yet he never says anything to me about it. I do wonder what he thinks of my blog.

So basically my gift of a magic talisman isn't doing it's job like I had hoped. I'll give it some time but I suspect I'll find it in among Thomas's other rocks and crystals he's collected sometime soon.

Oh well, I tried.

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