Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Addressing Your Concerns

First and foremost I want to address a comment that was made on my blog about my postings lately about whatever this is Thomas thinks (and he talked again about it yesterday) is "inside of him." I cannot emphasize enough that I DO NOT BELIEVE SCHIZOPHRENIA IS DEMONIC POSSESSION NOR DO I THINK ANY OTHER MENTAL ILLNESS IS DEMONIC POSSESSION. I really hate that. I might be coming across that way. I am not trying to set us back, and our cause to stop stigma back, to the dark ages. What I am doing is writing my personal blog about my personal feelings as I struggle with this with Thomas. I am not writing from an uneducated point of view. Believe me. I have been doing a lot of reading on this and I still err on the side that what is going on with Thomas is a delusion. What I will tell you and I'm telling you because what was said pretty much backs up my way of thinking is what Dr. N. said yesterday about this thing "inside of Thomas." This wasn't what I planned on writing about today but it is what it is, I need to address people's concerns about the subject matter.

In keeping with the belief that there is some kind of negativity inside of Thomas let me tell you what his highly educated, college professor, writer of several journal articles, psychiatrist said to Thomas and I yesterday about this "thing". He believes it is a delusion but to both Thomas and I he made it clear that he believes that one prong of the approach to conquer this is to "invite more positivity into his life" and to "tell 'it' that he (Thomas) has no room inside of him for it to occupy him". He also used the word 'nihilism' which means "the rejection of all religious and moral principles, often in the belief that life is meaningless", saying that basically that might apply to Thomas. Another few less scary words to describe that definition is skepticism or negativity or cynicism or pessimism. What he's getting at with Thomas is that he may have a feeling that his life is meaningless brought about by years of depression. After having lived like that for so long, Thomas may view the world in a way that he believes there is nothing good about himself, hence the feeling that "there is evil inside of him (Thomas's words NOT MINE)." It was not lost on me, however, that Dr. N. suggested "inviting positivity into his life" which to me means that whatever you want to label the negativity or presence inside Thomas as, one of the ways to combat it is to bring in light in the form of a higher power, perhaps, or a belief in something bigger than himself. He also backed up my decision to buy Thomas his tiger eye and felt that actually that was a "good idea" since it "helped Thomas feel like he had a positive presence with him."

I do not think for even one second that Dr. N. felt Thomas was demonically possessed but he did make it clear, in my opinion, that it is a negative thing Thomas feels and it needs to be changed in order for Thomas to feel like he owns his whole being. I don't know any other way to take that then exactly how he put it to us and what he said to us yesterday 100% backs up and helps me better explain to you, the struggles I have with all of this stuff with Thomas about the "evil inside of him."

If I am still being unclear to you all, if the backing of a highly educated, worldly psychiatrist, isn't enough to illustrate my point then please, by all means, let me know. Never do I want to set back the progress that HAS been made in helping people to better understand schizophrenia or mental illness in general. I was merely sharing my own struggles and opinions which may not be in line with your own but I am not sitting here behind my computer, mouth hanging open, spouting pure nonsense. I am trying, like all of you, to make sense of this illness, make sense of the words my own son uses to describe his very being and to make it all make sense in the context of my understanding of God or the spiritual world in whatever form it may take.

Personally, I'm with Dr. N. on this one and while this post won't necessarily wrap up the discussion on this topic, what it will do is show that both Thomas and I are going to work to find a way to end the negativity or "evil (again Thomas's word NOT MINE)" that is inside of him. Acting upon the belief that this is a delusion and one that according to Thomas yesterday PRE-DATES EVEN HIS MOST WELL KNOWN, LONG-STANDING DELUSIONS, we will be in this battle for a while and my plan, as it has been from the start, is to share our struggle in the hopes that others can relate and so that you all don't feel so alone in your doubts and confusion and ultimately grief about this particular subject matter.

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