Monday, October 06, 2014

That "Disturbance In The Force"

Why is it that I can't shake that there is something going on somewhere inside that brain of Thomas's? This is one of the most annoying parts of this illness for me with Thomas. This feeling something, but not being able to give it a label, is frustrating. Granted, for the most part, Thomas SEEMS okay. He's showering again, which is good, and he's engaged in family dinners among other things but then there's things like last night.

Usually in the evenings he's in his room happily watching YouTube or playing games but then last night at about 8:15, for no discernable reason, he came out of his room and sat in the living room with us and half watched TV while also looking distractedly around the room in front of him. I watched him sitting there hunched and silent and wondering why he came out of his room. We weren't even watching a show he likes. Then it came time for my husband and I to go to bed and he just got up and started to leave the room. I asked him if he wanted us to leave the TV on for him and he said no and that he'd just go back to his room.

Once there I went in and sat on his bed. Something was obviously wrong. I asked him if something like Slender Man was back would he tell me? He said Slender Man wasn't back which I didn't think it was but I was trying to get out of him if he would tell me if something LIKE that came back. He insisted he was fine but he just remained sitting there on his bed with no tablet, no computer, no drawing, no writing to keep him company. He just sat there. Something is obviously off but I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens next.

The thing is, I am always able to read him long before he realizes he's feeling something. He'll be angry and I'll ask him about it and he'll say he's not angry but then tell me later that something was bothering him but he didn't label it as anger even though it was something that would make anybody angry. Everything about him, though, said that he was angry. It's instances like that that happen all the time that make me know for sure that something is going on even if he can't label it right then. Last night was no different. It wasn't anger though, it was a disturbance in the force, those unnamed impressions I get from him for which there is no immediate explanation. Just a FEELING.

So, I made him promise that if something like Slender Man was back that he would tell me. He assured me he would. Unfortunately from this point forward I am relegated to the background to watch in silence as things possibly (but hopefully not) fall apart.

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