Wednesday, September 03, 2014

"Turn The Radio Up For That Sweet Sound"

The title above comes from a song that I woke up singing this morning. I always love these little gifts my dreamland leaves me because they are important somehow. Today, though, what it made me think of is Thomas and how he's been doing the last couple of days. Now, I know, because I have now written this blog for over a year, that Thomas will have good and bad days. I know that what he's like now won't always be that way. But right now, things with him are beautiful.

To me, the lyrics of the song written above make me think about how I would like to be able to, like with a radio, turn up the sound of Thomas's good mood. It's so wonderful to see him like this now and I would just love to be able to make it louder (last longer) than it is just so I can really soak it in while it's here.

The other day he came to me and asked me for my copy of Photoshop. This is a good sign. It means he's creating again. At the time that he asked, I didn't know where I kept it so he was pretty disappointed when I said I couldn't find it. I felt HORRIBLE because it was obvious he's got some kind of project bouncing around in his brain that he's trying to create. Any creativity out of that kid is a really good sign. Then yesterday, in the furthest regions of my basement, back in a corner, I found the Photoshop disk and I went up to his room with it hidden behind my back. I knocked in his door and when he invited me in I smiled and said,

"I think I have something you want."

You could see how excited he was in anticipation of what I might give him. I pulled the box out and showed it to him. He was THRILLED! I left him alone with it and went about my day. Throughout the day he came out of his room a lot and checked in with me, always with a smile on his face. He even came to me at one point and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him and I did. Walking with him can really show how good or bad he's doing. When he's not doing well, it's like pulling teeth to have a conversation with him. I end up hating myself and thinking what a rotten mother I am because I can't even get my own kid to talk to me. Yesterday, though, I couldn't stop him from talking to me. We talked about his favorite video game and we had a steady dialogue about it. I would have talked forever with him about it just because of how lit up he was.

Now, I know this is really going to sound crazy. He loves Top Ramen. LOVES IT. And I have always made it for him. Even after he started talking seriously about being independent, he would ask me to make it for him. I know I should have been more firm about making him do it himself but he would tell me that he just can't make it like me. This was not a ploy from a manipulative kid, he just really believed he couldn't make it as good. Then yesterday happened. He was rifling around in the kitchen and I asked him if he was hungry. He said he was and came in to talk to me. I threw out a couple of ideas for snacks and he didn't like any of them. When I gave up trying he was quiet for a minute and then he asked.

"Can I have Top Ramen?"

"Sure!" I said and then, "Do you want me to make it for you?"

And then it happened,

"No mom, I can do it."

Really???? He's going to make his own Top Ramen?

You have to understand how huge this is. It's probably much bigger to me than to him but I'm telling you guys that this is HUGE. This is a VERY good sign that he's feeling strong and healthy. So, he ended up making his Top Ramen and heading back into his room.

So today, as I wake up singing my morning's dreamland song, I think to myself,

I wish I could turn the "radio" up to hear more of the "sweet sound" of Thomas doing really good for the first time in a while.

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