Sunday, September 14, 2014

Good Sunday Morning Everyone!

I realize that it is no longer morning for a lot of you but I am just now getting out of bed. It was a rough night. It appears that my dad's death has caught up to me and I have developed PTSD which means the minute I lay my head down on my pillow at night it's like someone turns on a slide show or movie about the last 6 months of my dad's life and I relive it in perfect detail right down to the moment I saw him dead. It's become a small hell, who am I kidding, it's bigger than small. Anyway, that's my excuse for running late today. Thankfully this is a day of inspiration for the page so I have found some things on being grateful and I thought I'd share those. We have to remember to be grateful for the good things in life, the things we have, the love we have, the very breath of life we have.

Someone asked about how Thomas is doing in the last couple of days so I thought I'd try to fill you in. I say "try" because I haven't seen a lot of him, especially yesterday. I went grocery shopping and errand running with my mom yesterday and left before Thomas woke and then was in and out of the house the rest of the day. Then he worked last night so he was gone all evening.

What I have seen of him, not too much has changed for him but the Cymbalta needs a little more time to work. I have noticed that I see him a lot less during the day when I am home because, with this new med, he seems to have lost his appetite which means he no longer comes out of his bedroom seeking snacks all afternoon. I told him the other day while I hugged him that I really missed him. It's funny because he's right there, just down the hall and behind a closed door but I miss him.

As for work, he told me he only works one day this week. I am grateful for this since he's not doing so great right now. I did tell him though to use the time to heal because come the holidays they are going to be calling on him a lot. This was met with apprehension on his part. I know that he's trying to shore himself up for the holiday crowds and since he's struggling with symptoms everything is going to be magnified for him. Honestly I am very worried about the next few months since the fall and winter historically are his hardest times. When I went to pick up his meds at the pharmacy yesterday my favorite tech came over to talk to me and ask how Thomas was doing. I told her what I have told a lot of people lately:

"Fall is when he starts to get symptoms again, winter we spend in the worst of the illness, spring we spend trying to stabilize him and summer we get him back for a while and this has been the cycle for at least 3 years now."

I personally am not a fan of the changing seasons because between my bipolar disorder and his schizophrenia, it's real rollercoaster ride. My hope is that this will become some sort of routine (?) that I get used to after a while though I have never gotten used to my own illness. It sneaks up on my every year and knocks me on the back of the head and I go through the same cycle of trying to avoid taking meds until the bitter end and by then I'm so miserable that it probably takes twice as long to get me better. Thank God Thomas is nothing like me in that respect. He only denied needing his meds when he first got sick and since then the biggest problem has been making sure he remembers to take them. I am very lucky in that way.

So, anyway, I want to get to work on making this day on the page a good one for everyone so I'll close this posting. Have a good day everyone and THANK YOU SO MUCH for making yesterday such a success by sharing and 'liking' the articles I posted. I feel very lucky to have you all.

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