Tuesday, July 01, 2014

The Vacation(?) Approaches

To begin with, I put a question mark after "vacation" because I am not sure how this whole thing is going to play out. I have told you--but will briefly tell it again in a minute--what this vacation is about and what it means for Thomas and for myself.

The sole reason for the upcoming trip (beginning next Tuesday) is to spread my dad's ashes in the place he chose years ago. Thomas said he was never close to his grandpa so the act of spreading the ashes won't be too sad for him. I, on the other hand, am dreading it. I have a strange(?) attachment to my dad's ashes in that I still see them as part of him and leaving him somewhere far from here is kind of hard. I know his spirit is free elsewhere and that the ashes are just ashes but somehow I have trouble sometimes separating the two. Then we will move as a family to the ocean for 6 days to all be together. My dad would have wanted that for us all. Now, by family, I mean myself, Dan (my husband), Thomas, My sister, Thomas' biological dad that he's had zero contact with for a long time and then my sister and ex-husband's 7 (of 8) kids. Needless to say, it's going to be interesting. I personally have mixed feelings about seeing my ex-husband again (it's been 5 years I think) and I know that Thomas is having mixed feelings too. Mixed....well, maybe that's the wrong word for it. He says he is "curious" about his biological dad. He can't put into words what that means so I can't speak to exactly what he's feeling. This trip has potential to be very healing or a huge disaster for Thomas. Right now he is excited because he wants to see his cousins and half brothers and sisters but that's where the excitement begins and ends. On the trip I will be posting every day here just to let you guys know how it's all going. At the very least it all should be very interesting.

As far as lately for Thomas, he's been pretty good. His work hours were cut back this week so he's happy about that. I discovered the source of his depression and anger about work is that he's missing the chance to hang out with friends. That will be something he'll have to learn to deal with since he is an adult and as an adult, he has responsibilities that do not include Air Soft BB gun fights with his friends. Apart from that, yesterday he asked me if he could go to his friend Cole's house (remember the "gun house" I told you about?). I expressed my reservations about that and Cole came to our house instead. Thank God. At least here I can keep an eye on him and at least here there are no guns.

The other thing Thomas has been dealing with is an odd reaction to meds in the morning. He has always done fine with taking them but then 4 days ago he took them and began to eat breakfast then suddenly pushed back his table and complained of dizziness and sweating and tiredness and I went over to him and he was both hot and cold, sweaty, and dazed looking. I'm not sure what that's about. I've never known side effects to finally go away only to come back weeks later out of the blue. Luckily Thursday we go see Dr. N. so I'll check with him and see what he thinks is going on.

So, that's about it for Thomas and I. I'm pleased that he's doing good and I hope that continues for a while. I have actually started to relax a little bit as far as worrying about breakthrough schizophrenia symptoms. The impending trip could change all of that but I choose to hope for all good things to come of that trip.

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