Friday, April 18, 2014

Therapy Day

Thomas had therapy yesterday. We arrived there to the announcement that another round of desensitization therapy was in the works; they were headed back to the police station. Poor Thomas went from practically fine to completely scared at hearing that news. He went, though, and I was proud of him for fighting through it. I still maintain that the true test will be him talking to an actual police officer.

The other day I was hanging out with my friend and she told me that her brother is an ex cop. I asked her to explain to him what Thomas thinks about the police wanting to arrest him for his political views and that he's very paranoid about them. I asked her to ask him if, as a cop, he would feel threatened by Thomas in some way given his diagnosis. I thought I'd take another way into this for Thomas and find out exactly what a cop would think. On the way to therapy I asked Thomas if he would be willing to talk to an ex-cop and he agreed that he could probably do that. Go figure. Maybe it's that he's no longer in uniform, I don't know. My mind takes it further though and thinks that this "ex" cop could talk to his "active duty" cop friends and tell them about Thomas which is something I don't want right now. I'm thinking, though, that this could be good for Thomas if this guy were to just sit with him and talk to him about what policemen really think and feel. I don't sounds like it could be a good plan though.

In therapy, however, that whole discussion and others were very annoying. Thomas' therapist must have been in a "I really don't like you mom" mood because he said stuff to me that made me shake my head and have to defend myself. First of all, when I told him about how Thomas might be willing to meet with an ex cop his response was this,

"Well, make sure he's not some militant, white supremacist guy who's going to influence Thomas."



Like I'm not going to screen who this guy is before I send Thomas his direction?????? Seriously? That comment made me mad more for the fact that he was accusing me of just going about this without thinking it through first. Oooh that made me so mad. What happened to the therapist that I had for a couple of weeks who supported me?

Then we talked about my husband and I going away for the weekend soon and leaving Thomas alone. He asked Thomas if he would get bored and Thomas said "no" and laughed, as did I. I piped up,

"He wouldn't get bored, he'd be stuck in his room all day playing on his computer. He probably wouldn't know we were gone!"

To that the therapist responded with,

"Ooh burn!! Nice one mom saying Thomas has no life outside of his room, though I'd like you, Thomas, to be more social."

I was immediately defensive because I was, in no way, insulting Thomas and I felt like his therapist felt I was somehow. I explained that what I meant was that he doesn't even mind when I'm gone all day so he'd be fine with us gone for a night.

The session went on and on like this with me being talked down to about the things I said. I told him that Thomas had gotten worse lately and his response was something to the effect of,

"This illness is like the weather, some days will be good, some days will be bad."

It was said in such a way that he came off like a jerk. No kidding doctor that it'll wax and wane with the day and stressors etc. My point was that over all, things had gotten worse lately and it concerned me. My concern, however, was brushed aside like it meant nothing and when it came time for them to do their walkabout to the police station, I was more than happy to leave that office and get as far away from him as possible. He may have been having an "I really don't like you mom" day but I most definitely left that session feeling like I really didn't like him either. This is the second week in a row that I've come away with this feeling and it's not going to fly too much longer before I say something. I've never been shy about letting him know how I feel and if his newfound condescending attitude towards me continues, mark my words, there will be another angry email coming his direction. I am a mama bear protecting my young. Don't undercut me or find some way to threaten who I am or what I do. My son is my life. I will do anything for him and will make sure I am making informed decisions about his life where I have the control.


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