Tuesday, April 01, 2014

The (Not So) Hidden Agenda

I am now convinced that Thomas' nausea on Sunday night was anxiety related and was in place because of work. I only say this because yesterday about 3 hours before work he came to me asking for a lorazepam and begging me to get dinner cooked. This "time anxiety" of his is a tenacious little bugger and I wish he could be free from it. He was given a lot of hours at work again this week and I thought if he started working more that he would find a way to use that to prove to himself that things will be ok and that he won't be late to his shifts. As it stands right now, he is in the same place he's always been with this issue. I liken this anxiety to a little gnat that flies around your face and you can't bat it away because it's so small and annoying. Not that his anxiety is small but it is very gnat-like and it's a real pest.

He has therapy today which will be good for him so hopefully he can talk about what happened in the last couple days but I personally have a little trepidation about it because I don't think the two of them accomplish what truly needs to be covered in session. Last week's little stunt about planning on having Thomas move into his grandma's is still fresh in my mind and I feel on alert for what may be thrown my direction next. It's not that I can't handle that kind of thing, it's just that it makes me so mad.

The other thing that's been plaguing me about his therapist is still the whole thing from a while back where he appeared to be talking Thomas out of being on medication. He can call it what he wants, he can defend it until the cows come home however he hasn't shown me that he's dropped the subject entirely. There have been at least 2 sessions since where he has alluded to meds not being a good choice for Thomas. I'm not sure if it's because I have my defenses up after that whole mess or if I'm just imagining things but he has, a few times, made these comments about meds that make me mad. I'm not sure if Thomas picks up on them but I sure do. I fear his therapist will eventually wear Thomas down and he'll agree that meds aren't the right choice for him. I know how it works, how someone can plant little thoughts here and there between the usual stuff and eventually you come to what seems to be your own conclusion about the thing they want to change. I've studied psychology in college and I've had experience with some world class manipulators not to mention that I have been in therapy myself. I know how this works, how the "game" is played and in this instance, with the meds, I am not going to allow the therapist to win this round if I can help it. I'm terrified for Thomas what a life without any meds would mean for him.

So, needless to say, today I would like to reclaim my spot in that low-to-the-floor, extra cushy chair in his office that I hate so much. I want to hear what's being said. I'll keep my mouth shut, I think, (LOL) and I'll just pay attention to the subject matter being discussed. Something has to be done to help Thomas with his anxiety and I need to insure that the therapist's agenda about meds is stopped once and for all. We shall see. I will write about it tomorrow though.

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