Thursday, April 17, 2014

The Forgotten Meds

Well everyone, my plan is to take you on my journey to get Thomas disability. What you are going to see and it's something I'm not proud of but that is my apparent lack of commitment to get this done in a timely manner. Part of it is that my life during the day fills up with things like doctors appointments and being with my mom (who is grieving heavily since she ...lost her husband) and my nights I am tired and medicated so I'm not with the program enough to do the work and of course my mornings are taken up with this blog. What I'm waiting for is a clear day or even an afternoon to get started on this. You all have given me so much support and hope where getting disability is concerned so I have the confidence to do it. My hope is that I'll find some time today.

I have to say that the reason I am contemplating a lawyer is because I can just bring them everything (I have all records from all hospitalizations and all kinds of doctors notes etc.) and they will track down the records from Thomas' 3 doctors that he's seen since 2012. His therapist and Dr. N. are on board with doing this so I have their support also. It's all waiting on me. In the end, I'll probably go with a lawyer since that has been my plan all along.

As for Thomas, his latest thing is forgetting his night meds. Yesterday was day 4 of that. After dinner (he usually takes them just before) I checked his pill case and they were still in there. I got frustrated with him and went to his room and asked him,

"Do you even want to take your meds anymore?"

His response,

"Yes I do but I honestly forgot!"

He could sense that I was frustrated with him. He grabbed his water and went and took them and I stood there and told him that this was the last time that I was going to remind him and that he was in control from now on. I told him,

"You will have to pay the price if you forget them too many days in a row and you get sick."

I walked away and sat down to watch some TV. Within minutes I got to thinking that this is just stupid, that if I don't remind him then he will get sicker and I just can't live with that. Especially knowing that all it would take from me is a reminder. I'm trying to help him become independent but this forgetting pills 4 days in a row shows me he's not ready for that level of independence and he still needs me. Feeling really terrible, I went back to his room and said,

"I'm sorry kiddo for being frustrated with you about your meds. That wasn't nice of me to be so short with you. Right now you need the reminders and I will do that for you if I see that you haven't taken them after dinner."

He looked so sad. It broke my heart. I asked him for a hug and he came over to me and held me tight. I told him,

"Kiddo, I love you so much and all I want in this world is for you to be healthy. You have to take your meds or you're going to get sicker and that just cannot happen."

He agreed and with that we struck a deal on how reminders should work. Honestly I'm getting worried about him. With his increased paranoia and his forgetting of meds, we are headed in a bad direction. He has therapy today so I plan on talking to his therapist about all of this stuff.

Needless to say, my work is cut out for me. I need to be better committed to this disability thing and I need to get Thomas better medicated. I dread the talk with his therapist today about the meds and Thomas' worsening condition since he's made it pretty clear he's no longer a fan of meds. I just don't see how Thomas can survive without them. Luckily and ultimately they are in Thomas' hands. They are his decision to make and apart from forgetting them, when reminded, he is more than willing to take them. Thank God.

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