Wednesday, April 16, 2014


My post yesterday received a lot of response and I want to thank you for taking to time to offer your support and experiences. My day yesterday ended up being taken up with a lot of running around so I was never able to make that call. Today though I plan on checking out the SSDI website myself and seeing what it entails and seeing if I can do this all on my own or if I will ultimately go with a lawyer. I did go and speak with one a year ago (maybe less) and they told me that Thomas' case is a slam dunk and that they'd be happy to take it on. Their rate for doing so is 30% of the back pay which Thomas will get because his diagnosis goes back to a very serious hospitalization in 2012.



We've been at this a long time. I still can't believe it's been that long but then I look back over just the last year and I think about all we've been through, it seems like it's been forever. I'm sorry for saying this again but I really just struggle with the fact that Thomas has schizophrenia. I knew from the time he was little that something wasn't quite right but I just chalked it up to immaturity and/or that junior high and high school are difficult times for everyone. What I missed were the secrets he held like that he felt he was being followed and/or watched. I missed those things for a long time because he didn't tell me. His political beliefs became clear to me pretty early because of a friend of his who had similar beliefs and then Thomas' own morphed into what he is now. Just yesterday I found his project from psychology class in high school where he had drawn all over the bag the symbols of his political affiliation and wrote words about them. Inside the bag were pieces of paper from his class mates either telling him he was crazy for thinking the way he did or they supported him. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to him to read the stuff about him being crazy. Nobody knew, not even me REALLY that he was sick and I wish things had been different as far as that goes so that people might have been more understanding. I suppose that's just wishful thinking on my part.

As for Thomas lately, he is now forgetting to take his nighttime pills which are the most important ones since they contain the antipsychotics. 3 nights now he's forgotten them and for 3 nights I have tried to let it go to see what would happen and I just can't. He's already struggling and 3 days without medications could make a huge difference in how he's feeling. So inevitably I track him down and ask him it he's taken his meds. Last night, though, I went to him and I asked him if he even wanted to take his meds anymore. I thought perhaps the tides had turned and he was starting to try to refuse them. That wasn't the case and he went right out and took them but 3 days now he's forgotten without my reminder. I don't like this. Not at all.

Also, I haven't heard from Dr. N.. I don't know what's up with that. It's been my experience that he doesn't pick up his messages from work very often and his email is the best way to reach him but.....nothing....meanwhile Thomas gets worse. We will see him next Tuesday so I suppose we'll just hang in there till then.

Today is a new day for me. There is a lot to do today but I will at least make the call to the lawyers and get online and check out the SSDI application myself. I have to do this. You are right. It would give him some peace of mind and it would give me some peace of mind too because if I ever die, he is going to need that money to survive. Dear God....if I die. Now that is a thought I can't face right now.

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