Thursday, April 24, 2014

How I Celebrate This Day

Well, today is my 42nd birthday and I can hardly believe that I am this age. I look back on my life and most especially my life that included raising Thomas and for so long my life has been about him. He was my only child and he came to me absolutely perfect and so I chose not to have another baby. He has been my life as I promised myself every day of his I would try to ensure his happiness. After all of this time that still remains my goal even though we got this wrench called schizophrenia thrown into the works. I realize now that the reason I had only one child was because what I didn't know then was that I would be called to be this young man's mother and caretaker long past the time that most mother's are called to do. It was interesting because as Thomas grew into adulthood, I knew that I would be a part of his life in a big way far beyond the age of 18. So, for me, today, on this blog, I celebrate Thomas for my birthday. I celebrate the smile I see so much more often lately. I celebrate his courage that he shows in the face of crippling paranoia's. I celebrate his strength that he hasn't given up the fight when even I almost did. I celebrate his beautiful heart that still will cause him to stop and stare at the full moon and comment on how beautiful it is or stand below a bird's nest and ponder out loud where the mom is and how many babies she has. I celebrate his sense of humor which more often than not throws me off track because I don't expect him to make the joke about something that he does--like about hearing voices or seeing things that aren't there. I could go on and on. The fact of the matter is though, I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for him. When I was in some of my worst possible places emotionally, I didn't want to exist anymore but Thomas' very life gave me every reason to choose to go on. He is my life and will always be my reason to be.

Now, the other thing I want to celebrate today is all of you. Lately so many of you have been commenting on my posts and saying some really nice things or sharing your own stories. You have no idea how much that means to me. I know I don't comment on everything that gets said but you must know that I read every one and am touched in some way by them either with heartbreak for you and your situations that are a challenge, gratitude for your successes and I laugh with you when you share something funny. Your presence here on my page means everything to me and without all of you this page wouldn't exist. As of today I have 990 page members which means I'll reach my milestone of 1000 soon which will be a huge celebration for me. Also as of today there are just 6 days until the 1 year anniversary of my page. These are all really amazing things and today it is you guys that I celebrate too. Thank you all for being here, for being candid and honest and for listening to me through every thing Thomas and I go through. I love each and every one of you. ♥

So, to celebrate my 42 years on this planet today, I celebrate the things that breathe life into me. I am a very blessed woman.

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