Friday, March 07, 2014

Yesterday's News

To those of you that mentioned that Thomas' symptoms might be worse because of the decrease in meds and/or the increase in stress, you are all right. We saw Dr. N. yesterday (love that guy) and he sat and talked with Thomas for a long time. I was very proud of Thomas for admitting that his voices and paranoia are worse. I never know when he's going to choose to keep those things a secret so the fact that he trusted Dr. N. enough to tell the truth says a lot about his trust of Dr. N. and Thomas' own character. The general consensus is that the decrease in the clozaril (he is now down to 100mg in the morning and 150mg at night--not a therapeutic dose) is one of the biggest culprits in his symptoms getting worse. That coupled with the loss of his grandpa and the stress related to that are also the culprit. Of course they would be but somehow I didn't make the connection totally. I don't know why. Thomas told Dr. N. that the night he came home from work early was bar none the WORST night of symptoms he has had in a long time. Bless his heart, it was much worse than he let on to me but at least he admitted it to someone. The plan now is to increase the Latuda (he went up to 80mg last night) as quickly as possible with the goal being 120mg at night. Dr. N. is being cautious with the titration because he's trying to avoid any dizziness that Thomas might experience since that seems to be the most disturbing symptom that Thomas complains about. Dr. N. also wants to leave the clozaril right where it is because Thomas is not stable (I'm hating hearing that all the time) so the end goal is the (total) 250mg of clozaril and 120mg of Latuda. I figure it'll be two weeks before we see a change and I am going to do my best to keep calm and wait out those two weeks.

As for things with my daddy's passing, yesterday we brought his ashes home to my mom's. I felt such peace having him there. My mom told me that I could have some of his ashes so the funeral home divided them a little bit so my sister and I could have some. Yesterday, though, I saw inside the urn and saw all of the ashes together and my heart tells me to keep them all together. My sister wants hers to take home with her but I think, for me, that my part belongs at home with my mom. The day after he passed I cried and cried and told my mom repeatedly that "I just want daddy home with you" and I think that is what I want to do. I have his robe he wore the last months of his life and it smells like him and I am happy with that as my memento so keeping him home with my mom seems like the right thing to do.

In bringing the ashes home, I didn't include Thomas in that mostly because I thought he might find it weird. I'm having second thoughts though and am wondering if I should bring Thomas over to my mom's to see my dad's ashes in the urn. Do you guys have any thoughts on this?

As for me and my physical health, I'm not sure if you remember that I mentioned last week that I am having pretty serious pelvic pain. Well, I had an exam yesterday and the doctor isolated the pain to my left ovary so today I go in for an ultrasound to see how things look. I'm a bit scared because the pain is so bad but I'm trying not to let my mind go to the worst case scenario with this. I won't have the results until next Thursday so it'll be a long week of waiting.

So, yesterday was a busy day between my exam, bringing my daddy's ashes home and Thomas' meeting with Dr. N.. I do hope that things slow down soon. On second thought, I kind of hope they don't because I think staying busy has been my saving grace with all that has happened lately.

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