Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Friendships And ‪Schizophrenia‬

Yesterday I talked to Thomas about whether or not he had been in contact with his best friend. His answer?

"I'm waiting for him to contact me."

 We had a discussion about how in order to have a friendship, he needs to do the contacting himself sometimes. We kind of argued over this and of course it was left just as it had started. He was going to wait to hear from his friend. I don't know what to do with that. I got to thinking, how does he get a proper social life if he hides from the normalcy of one?

The thing is, without his best friend, he has no social contact at all with a living, breathing person outside of family and work. He doesn't have friends at work and he barely works anyway so essentially he is very closed off. He has a "girlfriend" too but they met over the internet, have not exchanged pictures even and they don't know where each other lives. She is not on Facebook so I can't get to know her myself and I know that their relationship is largely based on role playing characters from a game, I think.

I got to thinking, how will he become a well-rounded human being if he doesn't have a social life? What will happen to his future if his life consists of his bedroom and his computer? I thought to myself as I hugged my husband yesterday and told him I loved him, that Thomas doesn't even have that with his girlfriend and I can't see how he ever will if his entire life is lived in a virtual world.

So, what do I do? Is there anything I can do? I had already crossed a line, of sorts, by going in to his work and talking with Richard and so am I expected to call his friends for him and set up a playdate? I am being sarcastic of course but seriously, what do I do? Thomas has so much life ahead of him and if his illness keeps him isolated, I don't know what to do for him to help him live in the "real" world. He talks about moving out but I don't ever see that happening unless he gets moving on cultivating friendships. I have seen a trend recently in his thinking about moving out where he says that he would live by himself. That can't be a good idea, at least I don't think it is. A solitary life with my almost complete absence will be a disaster waiting to happen.

I don't know...I'm truly at a loss here. I want so much for his future though my dreams for him have been tempered by his illness but I wonder as we cruise along with an ever-increasing isolation for him, what's to become of him? I have watched his social life disappear after graduation and his isolation continues forward and faster, a pinprick dot on the horizon and I stand by now, longing for more for him but watching yet another piece of my son disappear.

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