Thursday, March 13, 2014

A Little Bit Of Everything

Thank you all for your best wishes and prayers yesterday on my post about my lesion. They all mean so much to me. The funny thing about all of this is that I am quite zen--well, except about the barium, that stuff is nasty to drink and caused all of my anxiety yesterday because I was dreading it. Other than that, whatever this lesion is, I feel like it's going to be ok. It may be something serious but I feel like I'm going to handle it all ok and come out the other side with yet more strength and faith. There must be a reason for all of this because otherwise I can't understand why God would just keep throwing things at myself and my family.

As for Thomas, two things, I haven't told him about the lesion yet. I really don't see any point in causing him stress and I know he'd probably go to the bad place with it and think the worst possible thoughts. I don't want him to feel for a second that he might lose me. If this is something serious, I want to be sure he finds out about it in the right way and right now isn't the right time.

Second, he is now on a pretty high dose of the Latuda. He appears to be tolerating it well except for the expected heavy sedation after taking it at night. I was a bit nervous to jump it from 60mg to 80mg and then to 120mg in less than two weeks but Dr. N. and Thomas and I discussed it and we decided to go "all in" and give it a try. With everything going on though I haven't had time to spend with him to see how he feels about it and how he's doing. I'll be home with him today so I'm going to check in with him about his voice and his mood. I think I can count on the Latuda to lift his mood some more but I don't know about all of the positive symptoms and whether or not they'll change. He works tonight so it will be a real test for him. Not only does he work but I have my CT right at the time I'm supposed to take him to work so obviously I won't be able to which means Thomas will have to count on his dad being able to get away from work in time to get him there. Any waiting that he will have to do not knowing if he has a ride will increase his anxiety. I hope that all goes as planned.

Well, today is a big day. My sister leaves today so I need to get ready and go see her off then at 2pm I have to drink another lovely bottle of barium (they're HUGE!!) and then my CT is at 4:30pm. I also have to get an IV contrast done and I've been told some nightmare stories about the stuff so I'm praying it doesn't affect me in those same ways. Either way, with all of this stuff I'm drinking and getting pumped into my circulatory system, I ought to be lighting up that CT computer screen like Christmas lights LOL.

Have a good day everyone and please know that I see all of your responses to all of my posts and I am listening to everything you say and taking it all into consideration. I appreciate your input into mine and Thomas' life and you have helped me countless times to reframe my thinking.

♥ Thank you ♥

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