Thursday, February 06, 2014

What Will Emerge?

I. Don't. Dare. Utter. These. Words.....

Yesterday was day 2 of Latuda and yesterday Thomas woke up looking relatively alive and agreed without any attitude to eat his breakfast. When I tentatively asked him what he'd like me to put together for him, I told him I had a fresh pear and he agreed to that and then asked if I could add a chicken strip to it. I very cautiously asked if he would drink milk with that and he said yes. I rushed back to the kitchen, found the biggest pear I could find, poured a big glass of milk, put his pills in the pill cup and brought all of it to him. When I came in his room he turned away from his computer to look at me and said thank you for bringing it. I stopped and I just looked at him. I thought, could it be? Could there actually be life behind those eyes? I took a risk and I said to him,

"You look like you're feeling good today, how do you feel?"

His answer was "ok" but oh my gosh he looked alive!!

Before he got started eating he agreed, again without attitude, to come get his blood pressure taken. I asked him for a hug and I held him so tight and rubbed his back and told him I could see that something had changed. He was pretty flat about it but I didn't care because what I saw was light!

Could it be? Dare I even breathe for just a minute and think that maybe, just maybe, the Latuda is doing something positive for him? I know it's been basically just 1 or 2 days and it was just a half of a starting dose but could it be possible that it's working even just a little bit?

I know, I know, I am probably putting too many eggs in my basket at this point but oh my gosh there was light behind those eyes, no mask of flatness and he did eat, not to mention he came out of his room asking for dinner last night. He asked for dinner.


Granted he barely ate but he ate what I put before him which was a big salad and a chicken strip and a glass of milk but he ate it all. Oh yeah, and he took out the recycling and trash without protest and even though I had to remind him to do it, he took a shower too.

I know. I shouldn't be uttering even one single word of this because it could have just been a good day for him but honestly I felt like it had been forever since I'd seen my boy have a steady day that included eating healthy, a shower, and best of all that amazing light.

So, forgive me today for being so excited when in truth we are barely, almost not at all, in to this new medication but oh my gosh it felt so good to have a good day! It's still early in the morning yet and I won't see him until 12:30pm today since he sleeps late now so I don't know what will emerge from his room but for the first time in a long time I am waiting on the edge of my seat to see if yesterday's same light is going to emerge from his room.

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