Tuesday, January 21, 2014

You Win Some & You Lose Some

I read over everyone's comments yesterday about Thomas not showering and I gave a lot of thought to what everyone said. I thought I'd begin trying to get him to shower by doing it in the most cowardly way possible and that was to leave him a note. I was going up to my dad's to visit him and Thomas wasn't awake yet so I thought I'd toss the idea of showering into the note in the hopes that I could avoid any arguments. I wasn't sure it would work but I thought it was worth a try.

As it turned out, I got back home before he woke up so I decided to take page member Barb's suggestion to tell him that we had things to do today and that it was a shower day for both of us so he should do that and get ready to head out to do those things. He slept until 12:30pm though so I finally stopped avoiding the inevitable and went in to wake him up. He had his blood tests for his clozaril to do that day and he had half-heartedly agreed to go shopping with me afterwards so I thought I would throw in that we were going those places and it was probably a good idea to shower for that. To my amazement, it worked! It actually worked! (Thanks Barb!!!)

So with my sparkling clean young man by my side we headed out to do errands. I thought, since he agreed to go, that he would have a decent time. I had planned to bribe him with being able to pick out something special he wanted to have around the house to eat but as we shopped I watched as he slowly decompensated. It's funny that after all this time I still think that his negative reactions to things are just "typical" but by the time we were in line at the last store (and it was VERY crowded) he was going out of his mind with fear and frustration. I offered him the keys to the car and told him he could go sit in it till I finished up. He refused stating that he wanted to stay with me and help. I knew that he didn't want to be there but it dawned on me that he was afraid to leave my side and weave his way through the crowds on his own. I felt absolutely HORRIBLE for him and willed the customers ahead of me to hurry up with scanning and paying for their things so that we could get done and I could get Thomas to the safety of the car.

By the time it was our turn he waited at the end of the belt to grab the groceries and put them in the cart and he stacked everything up neatly at the end of the belt and waited till I could get the cart down to him. When I did he began loading it. As I paid and walked towards him I could see that he was in a panic. He had put the biggest, bulkiest items in the cart first and left no room for the HUGE amount of little things still to go in. I was somewhat taken aback by this inability to get the cart loaded right but I realized that he was so anxious and pressured to get the cart loaded and get out of there that he wasn't taking the time to do it properly. To make matters worse, when I got there I had to unload the whole thing and start over and when all was said and done he was a wreck. What was meant to be a kind of fun mother/son day turned into a nightmare for him and I felt terrible.

Needless to say, when we got home, he helped me get things in the house but then bailed to his room before things got put away. I couldn't blame him at all. When I went to check on him later he barely looked up from his computer and said that he was fine but it was apparent that he wasn't.

So, you know? There was triumph in my day because I got him to shower but for him the entire day turned into one of his worst nightmares. The old adage "you win some and you lose some" was never more true than yesterday. I had "won" by getting him showered but we lost a little piece of him in the checkout line of the last store we visited.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Most Popular Posts...

Follow my posts by Email:

Follow Me On Twitter