Friday, January 24, 2014

The Results Of Therapy Day

What a day we had yesterday (and for me, last night too). We had 3 appointments to get to, one was mine and two were Thomas' and all of this entailed an hour's drive both ways. Poor Thomas was wracked with anxiety about getting to all of them and since mine was first on the list I tried to lighten him with the fact that if we were late, that it would be m...y appointment we were late for so he didn't have to worry. That didn't work. Since he's now completely obsessed with being on time to everything, any scheduled event anywhere elicits his sky high anxiety. I'm hating that he has to deal with this level of anxiety on top of all of the other stuff.

I have got to say that I really really love Thomas' new psychiatrist (I'll call him Dr. N from now on). He really seems to love his job and even better he seems to care about Thomas. He called Thomas in alone and spoke with him for 20-30 minutes and then he called me in. After being in on all meds appointment's for a year, not being called in for the whole session has been surprisingly difficult for me. I had to remind myself that these appointments are about Thomas and he needs to learn to speak up for himself. What he did leave out though I was able to fill in when I finally got in there. I emphasized that I was concerned about his anxiety so Dr. N. added propranolol to take regularly. It's actually a blood pressure medication but it apparently helps anxiety too so we'll see. Thomas was grateful to take on this new medication as I discovered in session that he suffers much more deeply than I knew. He is now also on a therapeutic dose of the clozaril. He is at the low end of it but it is finally at the right dose. I feel like I can breathe a little bit now. Just going up a half a pill last night though caused quite a few side effects for Thomas which surprised me. He has not been hit with much since he began this drug. I expect he'll sleep most of today though.

Then came his therapy session back in town and he went into that alone. I was secretly grateful I didn't have to go in because I'm sick and tired of hijacking his therapy. He came away from that session with a 3x5 card of tips on how to manage anxiety that he has to memorize. I have to wonder if he'll actually follow through on that. They were in there together well past the normal time so I feel good because I know that was quality time for Thomas with his therapist.

As for my own session with my psychiatrist, I spent an hour with her and since I hadn't seen her in 8 months I had a lot to tell her about. She was shocked and told me that I'm an amazing person for still being on my feet. I took this as a HUGE compliment because this lady is someone I HIGHLY respect and if she sees something good in me then it means the world to me. After hearing about my life she asked me what she could do for me. She wants to help so badly but there's really nothing anyone can do to "help". What she did offer was a change in my medications which I reluctantly agreed to give a try. As it turns out my reluctance was well founded because the medication given to me to help me sleep and calm me down (Zyprexa) actually instead amped me and made it so I couldn't sleep last night. What I did do was fall asleep long enough to have a horrible nightmare and then wake up to see the clock and that only a half hour had passed. I did that lovely cycle all night long. Needless to say I am not a happy camper this morning and I won't be staying on this new drug. I needed something to help me manage my bipolar agitation/anxiety/OCD-like qualities and instead I am 10 times worse.

So, when all is said and done, it was a decent day for Thomas which is what is most important here as far as I am concerned. We'll see how the next few days go with the propranolol and the increase in clozaril. I know that a part of me is expecting miracles but the truth is what is ahead is more waiting and watching. Dr. N. reinforced (as did my own psychiatrist) that this is going to take time to get him better and that we have a lot longer of a wait in front of us yet to go.

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