Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Meds Left Behind

There's a strange feeling that runs through me when I discover, like I did yesterday, that Thomas has forgotten to take his medication. I know it's not going kill him but it does make me stop for a second and think.

I'm working at trying to teach Thomas about life away from home. Granted he still lives under my roof but I'm trying to give him things to do around the house (
like take care of the laundry for example) and teach him what it really means to pay bills, the kind that roll in and you struggle to pay one as you wait for your paycheck to come through. He has a lot to learn but he's getting the idea. He points to houses and says he wants to buy one and I tell him what it means to go through the process of getting a mortgage and then pay it every month, not to mention the upkeep which I think is an important lesson because you don't think when your 18 about how the wind might come through and rip off your roofing and you'll need cash to pay for that or the pipes might break and you'll have to place a middle of the night call to grumpy plumber who is also demanding cash on the spot.

So when I've seen that the most crucial responsibility he has right now, he has not done, then I wonder if he's really ready for the big bad world. I have watched him lately and he's fallen into a sort of zone where he seems lost in himself, irritated by any interruptions and anti-social. All of that coupled with forgetting to take his meds gives me pause. It's such a tightrope he walks between sanity and insanity. Those little pills still in the meds box are a glaring reminder of that. If I were to turn him loose in the world right now and he were dealing with the stressors of being an adult and on top of that completely forgetting his meds then he would be right back in a very bad place.

It's funny, I want to so badly for him to feel like an adult, get a job and his step dad wants him out of the house yesterday (don't get me started on that) but I'm scared for him and his future. Admittedly I've always been a bit of an overprotective parent and I work daily on letting go of things in an effort to be less "mommy" and more "hey there mom, I've missed you because I've been out living my life" but it's not easy especially when his mood is dark and his meds remain in the case instead of in his blood doing their work.

A completely missed day of meds and then another day where I needed to remind him to take them and my world spins into a bunch of "what-ifs". I'm working on letting go but believe me, I'm keeping an eye on that box because before he becomes a full-on adult, I want to be sure that he's taking his meds, realizes the value of making himself remember and he remains stable for an extended period of time.

I'm asking a lot of a young man new to the illness but more than anything, I want him to be successful in life, have what I have and want to live a life that's all his own, complete with remembering to take his meds.

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