Friday, September 06, 2013

What Is His Secret??

I am about to say a very mom-like thing that would embarrass Thomas but it has to be said. Lately he has been doing the cutest thing. Sorry, it had to be said because that is what it is. Cute.

Here is what's happening. ...

I have caught him in the last couple of weeks in random, quiet moments by himself smiling this smile like he has a secret. It's a genuine smile that brings the corners of his eyes in with it. A few times I have asked him why he's smiling and rarely does he have an answer. What I get is his standard "I don't know."

I have to wonder, though, what is it that makes him so happy? It's all really just speculation on my part but I look at his life and wonder what's changed that he finds some moments of joy? I think what catches me off guard is that he just doesn't smile much. He doesn't look like anything at all much. His face is usually set in one expression that gives little away to explain what might be going on in his head. So a smile, a real, genuine, "cat who ate the canary" smile is like an exotic bird found in the furthest regions of a darkened, tangled, rainy jungle. Each glimpse for me is a breathtaking moment, giving me a quiet joy of my own. My boy, my young man who has suffered so in the last couple of years, has a secret even he can't name that brings a smile to that handsome face of his.

So, each time I see it I say a little prayer, hold a little bit of hope inside that he is finding bright, colorful flowers among the weeds of schizophrenia.

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