Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Letting go of EVERYlittleTHING

I realized after my posting yesterday and after going through the day with a pretty happy Thomas, that my thoughts on this akathesia thing are probably wrong. I am guilty of wanting to take away all of his suffering that I look at every little thing and try to label it so that I can fix it. It's always been so easy in the past. 

Skinned knee? Neosporin and band aid.
Friends were mean? A hug and reminder that they're not worth your beautiful presence in their lives. Hungry? Cheese and crackers.

Well, you get the point. My life's work has been about hunting down and fixing problems.

Then yesterday as I was looking at old emails from a friend I miss a great deal, I found the email exchanges between me and Thomas' therapist among them. We had been batting ideas back and forth as to what this was, this boredom, this "trapped" feeling of Thomas' and he had come up with that it is a function of his depression. So I don't know anymore. He was fine yesterday, no akathesia (if that is even what it is) and he had a decent day on top of that.

I am out of ideas as of right now. Obviously I've exhausted my limited knowledge on the subject and I'll lay it back in the hands of the doctor and meds guy. In the meantime, I hope that it doesn't eat Thomas up from the inside out. When it's bad, it's bad, and any amount of stress causes, all to often, the delusions to increase and the anxiety that generates hallucinations to appear and this "trapped" feeling most certainly generates stress for him.

I want to help and it's only natural as a mom to want to try but I also know I have to let go of EVERYlittleTHING that is out of my control and that I can't fix. That's not going to be easy.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Most Popular Posts...

Follow my posts by Email:

Follow Me On Twitter