Monday, August 19, 2013

Up and Running. Sort of.

With all of the changes in my family lately my entire life has shifted yet again. I will now be taking over some of my dad's caregiving so that my mom can have a break every day for a few hours so my favorite time to write (7am) will be shifted to about 10am now so a lot of you won't see my postings till you get home later in the day. I'm really going to miss my morning writing time because that's when my mind is the clearest but family comes above all else. Hopefully my future posts will still reach you all even though some of you morning readers will miss them in the morning. It is my hope you'll pick them up in the afternoon or evening.

Now, frankly I'm so sick of apologizing and making excuses for my not being around. This is solely my issue and one I'll work on. I know I don't need to say I'm sorry etc. but I think it's in my DNA to do that. I'm also sick of talking about things that are off the subject of this page's original intent. Many of you have come here to better understand schizophrenia from my point of view and somehow it's become about not only understanding schizophrenia but also understanding the changing roles of an adult who has a young man with schizophrenia to care for and parents to take care of now. No doubt that subject matter will leak in because that is now my life but I'll try to stay on track as much as possible.

As for my darling Thomas who unfortunately is, because of his age now and because he can generally take care of himself, being neglected a little. He is still moving along ok though I can't help but question the new changes in him as of late. That whole episode on Saturday seems to have set him back physically. I'm still puzzled as to what exactly happened. He told me yesterday he thinks that it might have been that he got overheated, which is bad to do when taking these medications, but when I asked him when I picked him up on Saturday if that was a possibility, he said he hadn't been doing anything to get overheated. You know, one of the things I hate the most about the manifestation of schizophrenia in him is his memory loss and also the way his life seems to get twisted up as the day goes on. I think without my questions he goes through a day reasonably fine but when I start asking questions about something in his day, it's like I've tossed a bunch of puzzle pieces down in front of him and he's frozen and incapable of putting it together to form a clear picture of his day.

So, was he over heated? Or was it, God forbid, and yes it crossed my mind, that he took too many meds or didn't take them at all that day since I wasn't standing there watching. I also thought it might have been a blood sugar issue since these anti-psychotics go hand in hand with those sorts of things. However, I tried to remedy his symptoms with the usual quick fixes for low blood sugar and it didn't touch him, in fact he still got worse until after a nap and 2 or 3 hours of time passed. I have exhausted my very limited medical knowledge now and said a few prayers and now he will see his meds doc tomorrow.

I still am of the mind that I'm being told by the powers that be that I need to keep an eye on him. Mood-wise he's pretty happy, I see a lot of smiles lately, but delusions are running rampant and expanding and I feel a bit like someone with their arms full of little boxes and they're tumbling off the pile onto the floor, each box representing a delusion that's creeping in or being made apparent to me.

So, I'm up and running again, here on the page and as a mom to Thomas. I feel a bit suffocated by all of the changes in my life in the last week, heck let's get crazy here and say in the last year and half. I've come to realize that the drama that was my life before all of this began was child's play and mere prep for what has come to pass lately. One thing is for certain, there isn't one thing yet that has knocked me down and kept me down. I'm a fighter and I'm not out of the ring just yet.

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