Friday, August 16, 2013

The See Saw

I know that some of you are in similar situations to mine and some of you aren't at all so today I am going to write about something you might not all be able to relate to. I'm not going to say a whole lot because I'm really struggling right now but I wanted to say something so that those of you like me out there won't feel so alone.

I titled this posting "The See Saw" because that
is how my life is right now. I will first say this. Thomas is doing pretty good, at least as far as I can see from my perspective. Admittedly my perspective might be a bit clouded because of what else is going on.

At the other end of the see saw though is my dad who has dementia. He is not doing well at all. He fell down an entire flight of stairs a couple weeks ago. Then he went out on a walk a few days later and something clicked in him and ever since then he hasn't been the same. We have watched him rapidly decline in the last few days and it's been very scary. On top of that his 96 year old mother, my Nana, who my dad hasn't been able to see since he had his stroke a year ago, took a series of falls and as a result has several brain bleeds. She was in a coma for a few days and my dad was seriously mourning that all while struggling with his dementia and then just this morning we received news that she's not going to make it through the day. My dad will not be able to be at her side. As you can probably imagine, between his dementia and the typical things one goes through when losing a parent he is struggling like crazy. As a result since my mom is his main caregiver she is struggling also trying to help my dad and so now I am called upon to help the two of them.

The situation here is very dark.

What scares me is that I am so wrapped up in the stuff with my parents that I'm afraid I'm missing stuff with Thomas. This is how he ended up hospitalized last year, because I was so wrapped up in helping my parents, I missed the signs in Thomas. Needless to say I am not a circus clown with a talent for juggling. Instead I am a flawed human being with many lit torches flying haphazardly around me and I'm trying my best not to grab the wrong end and get burnt.

So, if I'm not around for a day or so here and there it is because I have this very serious situation going on with my parents and in between that I'm going to try to keep an eye on Thomas. As a result of all of this, my creativity and my love of writing have escaped me and I am left in survival mode where only the most important things are alive and kicking inside of me.

I'll be back checking in all the time but I may not be posting much. I hope you all will understand.

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