Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Lullaby of Broadway

A strange change has taken place in the car on the ride to and from work with Thomas. Bear in mind I can see that he's doing reasonably decent right now but there are always clues, clues to what I like to call a "disturbance in the force."

For years the XM Radio has been turned by him to either "Trance" (kind of club/dance music) or worse yet, music that isn't music but inst
ead sounds like the devil himself is screaming back at me inside the safety of my car. THAT music is like nails on a chalkboard for me because I wonder what Thomas hears in it or why he even likes it. I can't see where the message from that music is anything but negative. I could be wrong but still. I don't like it and would prefer anything else to be played.

To my surprise one day recently he got in the car, set the station on 8 (the 80's on and slowly dialed it down to 4. Suddenly the car was filled with music that sounded like it was coming out of a Victrola, somewhere strange and distant and the lyrics were hop, skip, jumpy, and innocent. No devil's verbal assaults, no pounding club music with remixed 90's songs thrown into the mix. Where we had ended up was "the 40's on 4". Somehow we were transported back in time by the 18 year old hand of my son with schizophrenia in to the 1940's.

I sat there as a song or two sang through and I held back giggles but shot some glances at Thomas to see if he was serious about his music choice.

He was. Dead serious.

So, what do I make of this exactly? Anything, any "disturbance in the force," makes the hair on my arms stand on end and often I'm left spinning in my head asking "Why?!?"

I'm not complaining (though I hate the music personally) and I won't change it since he gets so few moments in the car and I like to gauge his state of mind by the music he chooses but why this choice? He says it's from a car commercial but somehow this has turned into him filling his Mp3 player with the stuff and every time he gets in the car it's dialed from the 80's to the 40's in a quick flick of my son's hand.

Perhaps one might think that everyone's music tastes change from time to time. Heck, I go from current music to country to contemporary Christian, to the 80's, to the 90's and sometimes if I'm desperate I'll go to the 70's but the 40's?

He's 18. And a boy. And they sing about "The Lullaby of Broadway" and other beautifully innocent subject matter. And sitting in the car with him, with dusty, paint-covered, work-worn clothes and his tousled hair and his beautiful innocent face, it is like sitting in the car listening to a foreign language being spoken. It's very odd, to say the least.

I know, there are worst things that could be happening but this coupled with other symptoms makes me wonder where he is in his mind. I am thankful the devil is no longer spewing anger at me when I'm driving Thomas to work but why now are we residing in the 40's tapping our foot to the innocence of the past?

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