Saturday, August 24, 2013

Another Saturday Away

Well guys another Saturday is here and I regretfully will not be able to do be here much. This is the second Saturday that this has happened and I am very unhappy about it. There are two things going on here that are stopping me.

First, my caregiving duties at my parents house for my dad are still one of the things front and center in my life. My mom and I are lost as to what to do to make life better for my dad and there isn't a soul on earth that seems to want to tell us what we can do--at least not in my town. We have called doctors and they have directed us to home health care but that isn't quite what we need. We even ran into one of my dad's doctors when we were out yesterday and that guy took one look at us and you could see he wanted to run away as fast as he could and basically he did. We were left shaking our heads, granted we were in public and maybe he didn't want to get wrapped up in doctor stuff but still. Weird.

Where my dad is concerned my mom and I are trying to figure out what to do. He is now dead weight when getting in and out of chairs and my tiny mom is no longer able to lift him out of chairs and bed and she has hurt her knees ,her hip, and her back. So now it will take two of us to do all of that. Because of my dad's dementia he doesn't fully understand the gravity of the situation and forgets and sits in a regular chair as opposed to his electronic lift chair before we can stop him and then we're left trying to get him out.

The other thing is my Thomas. I have written about how well sessions went this week and they did but I alluded to some other things that were going on but that I wasn't ready to write about them because I am still processing them.

For the time being I am afraid to leave him alone because he doesn't want to be left alone and because I don't feel like he's safe so if I go anywhere, he wants to go with me. He has elements of a ticking time bomb (not that that's new, it's just morphed yet again) and I'm the one holding the bomb very carefully while someone cuts the wires to deactivate it, except my wire cutters are doctors that we see once a week. So, in the mean time I'm on my own with this one. I will tell you guys about what's going on in the next couple days because what's happening is something I want you guys to know about because perhaps you have been there or might be there someday and I want to be of some help to you.

I have a lot going on and I am tired. My sister with 8 kids showed up yesterday (just her alone--not with the 8 kids thank God) and she told me she doesn't know how I do what I do. What a sobering thought coming from my sister who has raised 8 kids and been through a hell of her own in the last few years with a severely bipolar daughter. On top of that, Thomas was witness to what it takes to care for my dad yesterday and with eyes welled with tears he grabbed me and hugged me and said that the situation is so sad and that he didn't want me to get old. Bless his heart he sees how hard it is to take care of my parents but doesn't realize that making sure he's safe and sound is something to be scared about too.

I'll check in from time to time over the weekend but I'm going to take the weekend off, I think, and try to regroup. I hope you all have a good weekend. I'll be thinking of you all and to those of you that have sent me private messages needing support and advice, I will work on getting back to you this weekend so hang in there ok? And everyone? Remember, you are not alone.

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