Sunday, June 09, 2013

This day

Here it is a quiet Sunday afternoon and I'm climbing the walls. There is so much going on in my extended family and to be honest, I feel I have little else to give outside my lil 3, those being Thomas, my husband, and myself. My family as a whole has faced a lot of tragic setbacks and the after effects of those setbacks has been a continued march down a dry dusty road with a mirage being the only promise of quenching our thirst... and we all know how that ends.

I did something I'm not proud of but when I woke up this morning, I was still so tired from the previous days' trials and tribulations that I made sure Thomas was safe and sound, happy and secure, and that my husband would be fine without me and I shut off my phone (the only portal to a world I wanted no part of), I took an Ambien and I went back to bed, pulled every cover over my head, piled my blanket from my childhood on my face and topped it with my beloved Bear and I cried myself to sleep.

You see, all while my son is going through what he's going through and all while I'm going through it with him, there are outside forces hard at work testing my strength and resolve. This morning I had nothing left to give anyone so I took care of what most mattered to me and then I ran like hell to la la land.

Thankfully today, I am the only one down for the count. Thomas is happily hanging out with friends, he's properly fed (my touch of OCD shows in this moment--he MUST BE FED NUTRITIONALLY) and medicated, and my wonderful husband is out washing my car and making it sparkle for me. So I'm going to stay right here, watch a show, and relax.

I'm so over life right now.


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