Sunday, June 09, 2013

Perfect

I'm probably going to say this from time to time but I need to, it's almost a compulsion to do so.

I am not perfect. Nowhere near it. Sometimes I write things without thinking it through and sometimes I write on a whim and discover later that you guys probably didn't need to know something I revealed. Sometimes I have really awful days where I don't cope in the healthiest ways but then
on other days I have it all together and I can conquer the world. I think that with having a son with this illness and then also extended family facing mental illnesses of their own that directly affect me, I am kind of set up to be tested daily in some form or another. I take each day as an opportunity to find some new strength inside of myself but sometimes, like today, I am overwhelmingly tired and just need to escape under childhood blankets and my Bear.

I am human, I make mistakes, I write without thinking first (sometimes), I'm no expert, I'll admit if I make a mistake, I'll do what I can for any of you if you ask something of me (track down info, call, private message etc.), I have the biggest heart but it can be easily broken, and more than anything, above all else, I am a mom of a young man struggling with schizophrenia. I am constantly questioning this illness, reading whatever I can about it, and grieving the loss of the original promise of Thomas's future, but make no mistake I am fighting like crazy to help him, protect him and love him and give him the best life that is possible for him.

I am not perfect but I am trying and as long as I'm trying, I'm succeeding and moving forward, and I think that's all any of us can expect of ourselves as we move through, between, over, under and around this illness called schizophrenia.

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