Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Wait. What?

My son was given a new medication yesterday and put on a pretty high dose and he went to school but came home early because he was falling asleep in class. He slept here for an hour or so and then woke up and went back to school. He graduates this year and is terrified he won't graduate if he misses school because of sleeping. Thankfully the school is working with me but convincing my son that he'll graduate even if he sleeps off his medication for a day here and there, is a real trick. So I returned him to school looking and acting like a walking zombie.

The high point and low point of my day happened in the space of about 2 hours. Let me explain.

My son told me, as I was taking him back to school today after his nap, that he felt he needed to go into the hospital. As a worried mom who's seeing a lot of concerning things, I couldn't have heard better news come from my son. I dropped him at school, left a message for the counselor to call me and sat in the (yet another) parking lot and made calls to all of the professionals in my son's life that are able to orchestrate his hospitalization. I left messages with everyone (does nobody answer a call anymore besides me?!?!?) and waited.

While I waited at home, my son came home from school and we sat and talked about how he's been feeling and I asked him how he felt about going into the hospital. This was received with a big "HUH?" from him. It was as if the conversation earlier had never happened. I reminded him that he had said earlier (not 2 hours before) that he wanted to go in the hospital and he had zero recollection of having said that. I'll blame the brand new, heavily sedating medication. We talked some more about everything and he said he wanted to go into the hospital but he wasn't going to go because he didn't want to be "cut off from the outside world" a.k.a. his social life.

Wait. What?!?!?

So...let me get this straight. He really feels he needs to go into the hospital but he's not going to go because he'd miss his friends. Ok, fair enough, he is 18 after all and 2 weeks from graduation but I've now made emergency calls to the "powers that be" about hospitalization. Now what?

No sooner did I finish that conversation with my son than the calls came rolling in from the doctors. Let's just say I did a lot of talking, a lot of apologizing, a lot of explaining and a lot of saying goodbye to doctors with trepidation. He is 18. Unless he's a harm to himself or others, he is free to stay out of the hospital and I have to honor that.

So, tonight I'm back waiting, and watching him continue to sink ever-so-slowly into psychosis, and protecting him when I can, and ultimately hoping and praying that what has been already spiraling downwards for weeks now will slow its descent and that the (yet another) new medication will work this time.

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