Sedated

My son woke today and while he was still pretty sedated, he wanted to make an attempt at school. His tenacity is admirable, in my opinion, because it's what keeps him getting up and moving forward in the face of things that might take the rest of us down. When I discovered last Fall how far into the fabric of my son's being that his illness reached, I couldn't help but be in awe of the strength it must have taken him to get through his life for the years before we discovered the illness's reach.

As for myself and my feelings this morning, I am happy to see him up and starting his day. Yesterday was pretty tough to take and was an indication of what it means to have the illness. The reality is, sometimes the meds are going to knock him out cold and I'll sit here in my quiet house waiting for him to wake so I can see what has changed in him....if anything.

That's the thing...I'll forever wait for a change, I'll probably never stop expecting it but my understanding of this illness is that the change may not always be for the better. And so I pray and I hope and I hold my breath.