Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Now what do I do?

I ran into an interesting problem yesterday. It should have been something I was prepared for but it had never crossed my mind. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my sons medications and as they huddled behind the counter and had a discussion, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on.

When the technician came out, she announced to me that they had switched manufacturers of t
his medication and that I should know that the pill might look different. Normally for myself when this happens I don't think anything of it because I know that happens from time to time but this time I was stopped in my tracks. The reason being, that my son already isn't a fan of taking medications, he suffers from paranoia and those two things coupled with the nosebleed debacle lately were not going to lend support to having a pill change it's shape or color.

The thing is? This is really nothing to me, if it's about me, but since it was about him there were suddenly a hundred thoughts swirling in my head not the least of which were:

"Now what?
What if he doesn't want to take it?
What if he fights me?
What if he absolutely refuses to take it?
What if this unleashes a new tornado of delusions?"

These were all fair questions to ask myself and prepare myself for the answers, whatever they ended up being. I explained to the technician that my son has schizophrenia and that the change in meds might not be received well and I asked her if I could see the pill. What I was going to do with that information eluded me since really, it was out of my control either way, but I was relieved to see that the new pill was still white, still round and only a tiny bit larger than is predecessor.

So, yet again, another crisis averted.

I write this entry though because I want to illustrate how a seemingly normal, everyday occurrence is fraught with questions and worries and the dreaded explanation to a generally uninformed person about what the ramifications are for a seemingly simple change. Sometimes a day will be filled with these uncertainties. Some days when you just want a "normal" day, the schizophrenia sneaks up in some form and reminds you that things are not as they seem and most certainly will never be the same again.

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